Giving him up was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but a friend who has the same breed took him for me and now he’s got a great life. I hope people can learn from my mistake, as I have. Always meet the dog you’re going to adopt, even if you think they’re coming from someone you can trust.

What I like about having a dog with behaviorial and physical disabilities is how much I’ve grown by having him. I am the first one to speak up–whether it’s to kids who want to hug or pet him, or to vets who want to go to town examining him (he has a lot of physical issues).

I’ve gone from the old-fashioned punishment training, which I always figured worked well enough, over to clicker training, which has opened my eyes to a whole new world (I’ll never go back). I’ve met so many great people, and a couple of great behaviorists and vets, because of this dog.

As difficult as he can be at times (trust me, I had company last weekend and kept him on a leash, and that’s not the easiest thing to do for a whole weekend but it worked out fine), I’m learning to expand and train where I can, and accept and adjust accordingly.

Still–like I said earlier, next time I’ll take my list! This morning my dogs and I watched a man throw a ball to his hairy dog, who could have been their cousin they look so alike, and that dog came back every time and paid no attention to anyone else.

Ah the dream . . .

You gave an excellent example of how the perfect dog for you is not the perfect dog for somebody else. And possibly not even the perfect dog for you decades from now, when a smaller dog or a big dog that needs less exercise would be more suitable.

One very important thing we’ve realized is that although these dogs are perfect for us and our lifestyle, they would not be right for everyone. Both of them are large, powerful dogs (the small one weighs about 80 lbs). They require several walks a day and a certain amount of training and control simply due to their size and energy. This is perfect for us and our lifestyle, but it could have been disastrous if they had been adopted by a family that wasn’t prepared to handle them and adopted them out of pity. One of our dogs had in fact been adopted and returned to the shelter once.

I strongly disagree with the idea that first time dog owners should always start with a puppy. Puppies are wonderful, but I don’t think a puppy would have fit as well into our lifestyle as our adult dogs. For those of you who have had difficult experiences with rescue/shelter dogs, please don’t give up on the idea of adopting from a shelter or rescue! There are many wonderful dogs available.

Thank you. I know in my heart that “Lucky” is better off in his new home where he isn’t left alone all day. I pray everyday that he is happy and settling in…he deserves a good life. And I am grateful that I got to play a small part in his life and getting him to his new home. It still hurts…but I’ve also learned that loving a dog sometimes means letting go. It really helps to picture him out running around on the farm with his new brothers/sisters (from what I heard they get along great) vs. baby gated in my kitchen, scared and alone.

I will not give up on dogs, or shelter dogs, but will choose more wisely next time. Since the shelter didn’t know about the S.A. I wouldn’t have known that but could have paid more attn. to the red flags. I like the idea of having a trainer help. Thanks – I know the right dog is in my future…!

Beth

Yes, shelter dogs often have some sort of baggage, but at least we know what it is, either right away, or within a month or two. Sometimes it’s more like carry-on than true baggage! My easiest dog ever, Spoon, came from a shelter at 7 months old. A puppy takes a long time to show the big issues, which come with maturity, between 1-3 years of age. Dogs are always a risk, but it’s so worth it to give our hearts to them. Someone had recommended getting a dog from a rescue place that would carefully screen. I think that would be great for you, Beth, as it would be another person, with experience, that could help you decide. I also think bringing a trainer with you would be helpful, someone who would interview you in advance about your lifestyle and then go help you pick a dog.

Best of luck to both of you!

He was a great dog, but he had horrible separation anxiety which I knew nothing about (he didn’t mark/bark at all when I was home – it was really just a symptom of the underlying problem which was an inability to be left alone). I am single, and work full time. Even with a dog walker I felt like he needed someone who would be home more – altho since I was a first time owner it was hard to tell – would more time help? If so, how much and if I let it go on too long could I ever bring him back? I saw a private trainer and a vet who suggested puppy prozac. Instead, he is now in a new (and hopefully forever) home on a farm, with 3 other dogs, and a family, who will take him to work (own their own business) so he will never be alone again. I, however, and heartbroken, feel terribly guilty, and am fearful of adopting a dog from a shelter again. And I miss him so much.

Great article and great advice. I learned this very heartbreaking lesson the hard way!

I adopted two littermates (2 years apart) and they’ve been more of a challenge. But because I make the commitment for life, I’m doing the best I can. They are shy, have physical challenges (all kinds of genetic disorders, including personality), and once again my life is being shaped by them. I can only cross my fingers that this young couple shapes their lives around their dog. It can happen–I’ve adapted and adapted and things are OK–not as good as I would have hoped back when I adopted my female, and then 2 years later when I adopted my male (who still hadn’t found a home after 2 years). I’ve had to make adjustments due to their physical and social challenges, but still, we’re OK and it can be done, providing the owner is willing to do that kind of work.

Still, I agree with Grisha and her beloved Peanut. As much as I love my two dogs, I will choose way more carefully next time.

Bringing a dog into your home is serious business. Listen to Grisha.

And if it turns out they aren’t dog people, after all, they haven’t stolen the dog’s puppyhood, then returned it to the breeder when it’s less cute.

With a adult dog, the temperament is already obvious, so you’ll see it in the beginning, at the very least, in the first few months. There are a LOT of shelter and rescue dogs that are perfect for first-time dog owners. They just need to be matched up well by the adoption folks. Spoon, my border collie / bassett hound came from the shelter at 7-9 months. She’s a dream of a dog, easy enough for anybody.

So all I’m saying is that there are arguments from both sides – puppy versus rescue dog – for first-time dog owners.

If you’re speaking the truth, I don’t think it’s relevant to classify it as “kind” or “unkind” – it’s the truth, plain and simple.

Laying out the owners lifestyle and the particular dog’s characteristics is doing analysis in search of determining whether there is a good match. If you find it’s a good match, it’s no more “kind” than if it’s a bad match.

Sure the news FEELS different to the receipient, but the person doing the analysis, is not being “kind” or “unkind”, they are simply doing the analysis.

Furthermore, I hope people can appreciate that this analysis was done because these people were friends of Grisha’s – meaning that it was done pro-bono. And in my book, this is very “kind”. So I think rather than focusing on the conclusion and labeling it “unkind” because often people don’t like to be told “no, you shouldn’t do this thing you want to do”, we should focus on the very generous and compassionate gesture in spending the time to evaluate the dog and write up a detailed analysis, so that others might benefit.

I am adding a link to the Behavior FAQ section of my website (thank you for giving your permission!) in the hopes that those considering adopting a new dog will hear your words echoing as they make that journey and go into the process with their eyes wide open and having done their homework.

You and I have lived with dogs with issues and know what a huge impact it makes on our lives, even with all our years of experience to train, manage and rehabilitate to the best of our abilities. We are faced with daily requests for help from heart broken pet owners who just wanted to give the perfect home to a wonderful family dog who would enrich their lives, but instead are held hostage by a dog who is at best, simply a management issue, and at worst, a danger to themselves and others. We’ve been the support system for people who are facing parting with a pet they have grown to love. Proper selection and screening of both dog and human by knowledgable breeders/shelter/rescue staff could have prevented so many of these sad situations.

All the best and thank you again for sharing this important message to use your head as well as your heart and ask for guidance when embarking on the search for a new canine life partner.

Carol A. Byrnes, CPDT
Spokane, WA

I am more blunt in this post than I could ever be in person, but is that really unkind? Is a doctor who tells you that you have cancer being unkind, or simply giving bad news? Unkind, I think, would be not being brutally honest about the pairing’s red flags.